i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
