ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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