Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
