I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
