So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize