I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
