there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
