i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
