Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
