Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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