apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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