so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
