I wish I only lived at night.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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