i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
