Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
