yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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