dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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