I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
