She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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