good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
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from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
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Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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