I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
