BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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