If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
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