why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
