Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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