I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
