I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
