I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
