I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
