Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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