so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
