jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
