dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
