This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
