Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i can't believe i had my finger in that
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
