Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize