when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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