I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
