I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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