I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
