I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
