At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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