I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My balls are so social today.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
