carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i may or may not be watching the land before time
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
