The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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