I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
