My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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