I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
