the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
