Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize