He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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