she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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