You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
