I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
