if i died would you start the facebook group?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
jump out the window naked night went bad
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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