I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
