I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
