I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
