hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
