So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
