I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
