i just had sex bonerless
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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