Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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