you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i came on her dog
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize