I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
