Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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