so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
