She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
