her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
