i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
