He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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