my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I intend to get homeless drunk
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
