My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
