Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
