Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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