Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I cut my penus on the lid.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
