i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
