we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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