apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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